Passion eat!

My new gastronomical blog is up and running!

Go ahead and visit, follow, or bookmark it if you have a knack for cooking or if you just want to gawk at yummy food photos the way you do dirty pictures for fun and excitement. Haha!

click below!

Do-It-Yourself Eats


Thanks!♥

Midnight wonder.

When we began, we knew what we were here for: the discovery of deeper understanding, the need to tame the rage of our idealistic youth. When did we stop questioning and why? We now live the irony of our songs. It pains me to see us turn out the way we shouldn't be. Did we forget what we began? Our causes running out like burning coals left out to die. We started this to break the rules but now the rules we've made confine us.

When did we stop questioning and why?

The one who got away.

I wanted to do the right thing, hard as it was. My beautiful parents taught me well.
But one thing that was never discussed in the dinner table and Sunday get-together was how to deal with love when it fails you.

Ma and Pa never skips the sermon on 'true love that waits', 'true and honest love', 'enduring love', 'love is work', 'waiting for the right one', 'chastity' and all other subjects that only hardline Catholic parents could muster and I will be forever grateful for the morals they have instilled in me. I believe that discipline is one of the best kinds of love a parent can give their kids. Without it, I would have been out there doing unthinkable and unspeakable things. I would have been a lot more wounded girl in this cruel world.

And then came love. The kind you read in books and see in films. The intense feeling of being swept off your feet. The overwhelming kind. And the best part, it was the kind of love that was returned and maybe even more than you could ever have again.

Everything in its perfect place. The feeling was mutual. The distance contributed to the build up - like the start of a song towards the chorus. He, the ideal man. Strong and wise with a sense of humor that matched your own. The man who wanted to meet you. The man who wanted to see you and cook for you in the morning.

The man with a wife and child.

When the world crashes down on you, when your walls collapse, when your sanity leaves you one day at a time, what do you do?

The hardest part was not doing the right thing.
The hardest part of it all was when the right thing kills you in the middle of the night when you sleep alone in the dark. The hardest part was getting through the day with smile on the lips and grief in the heart. The hardest part was convincing him that the feeling is no longer mutual on your part.

A few years of silence with a bit of friendship in between.

And after the longest time - the first meeting. The face to face encounter between the one who let go and the one who got away. You shake hands and kiss amicably. How are you? How's work? Life? Like a drill you've been practicing all those years you've missed out on each other. Kids and career. A little about the wife. You feel a pang of sorrow nibbling on your ear.

You ask yourself, "Am I a better person for being here?" just to test yourself a little like seeing him in the flesh is not already too much. And the answer, of course, is YES.

Yes, you are a better person for choosing right over wrong. What if's and regrets aside, you are stronger for going through the fire rather than playing with it. Your humanity is larger than life. Your love exceeds your emotions. Your brokenness a sacrifice.

And now, alone you face the future. With strength, you will get by. Loneliness being a constant visitor. Your mind being the disagreeable dog that guards the gates of your longing heart.

You are the one who got away.


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'For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you.
Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
And think not you can direct the course of love
For if love finds you worthy, it will direct your course. '

-Kahlil Gibran (The Prophet)

It's about time!

Well, as you can see, I'm back in blogger. After almost 8 months of nothing in here (but a lot in real life), I'm truly happy to be here again. It had been quite a good year so far and I have a feeling it will work out wonderfully throughout the end of 2009. There were some down times and minor ruckuses but it's so much better than haplessly being stillborn in life right?

Let me put all that this blog has missed in a nutshell:

January : Sinulog + SRA Anniversary + One of my best buds Mirza visited Cebu and I've met the good guys of DFP.
February: Cooked a lot in school and Partied a lot with my best buds, Mimie and Kiko.
March : Was bartender for a day (!!!) and made a rock and fashion show happen. And was in the news for the first time in my life. lol
April : Flew to Manila for this and this and this!
May : It was my birthday of course! :)
June : Back to school... but before that, my favorite getaway. Saw a great band live and met a bunch of awesome people. :)
July : Cried watching the TWINKLE DUDU reunion show.

And now, it's August. So what's new?
I'm pretty much addicted to Twitter and Facebook but I know all things will wane its selves. lol
I am still in school but not as busy as before. This will be my last year (hopefully and supposedly, whichever comes first!) one more term and I'll be ready for summer internship. Hooray. I'm teary-eyed. I never thought I'd be able to get this far to finishing something but I've done it. Almost there.
And yes, I have the most amazing pet cats in the world. I love them.
And I look forward to seeing my sister and her family (especially the kids!) in December. They are going to stay here for almost a month, Christmas to Sinulog 2010 so I foresee a solid vacay mode on for me. She's booked us to stay at a resort in Bantayan Island which is majestic. It's going to be our family's first time there together.

I am stoked.

I'll post more real soon. It's good to be back.

I missed you! ♥

Giving.

Today is a great day. I made someone smile and no, that someone isn't me. It also happened that there is not only one, but a few people who I couldn't imagine smiling through their day. Today I, together with my mom and sister, gave away a few bags of clothing, shoes and toys that had been lying around in the house to random homeless men, women and children downtown. We also imparted some home-cooked food to them. There is nothing I can compare to the feeling that I have made someone happy, even just a little, especially the kids. I am not rich. My family is not rich but I couldn't see why I couldn't share something to those who have less.

I started this in 2007 as a way of thanksgiving for all the blessings God has given my family. My sister and I stuffed packed lunches in our bags and backpacked one December evening to the heart of the city. A few warm meals. A few smiles. We went to these kids sleeping through their hunger and woke them up. It was the best feeling in the world. If only I could do it everyday.

I didn't want to tell people about it until one of my friends got interested. I thought to myself, why not become a reminder for others to do the same? So last year before Sinulog, I pitched in the idea to my parents, who I thought would just give me some cash to go grocery shopping. Instead, they went downtown with me to give away stuff. Since then, they told me that we'd do it every year or whenever we have the opportunity. Since the end/beginning of the year is always the time to clean out whatever is old and useless, rather than selling or throwing it away, it's a better idea to give it to those who might find it useful.

Today, we did it again. I never thought we could. We were broke as the year ended as my father suffered a heart attack last September. But he survived and that is blessing enough to give back no matter how simple and small.

I will always believe that when we keep it in our heads, that we do not own a single thing in this world, we will grow to become kinder, more giving children of God.

Holidays and Alcohol

Forget about the last post. I had a merry Christmas. I had the blues when Christmas was approaching and it was a two week long glum and gloom but somewhere there I thought about how pathetic drama is and it's really pointless being sullen on the happiest time of the year. Maybe I only wanted to stray away from everything people are supposed to feel at Christmas time. I'm a crazed poser.

I drank wine. Liters of it. I drank tequila, beer, rum. I drank and drank and drank until it came like a zapping slapping fist to my face. To hell with the blues.

It's a shame I came to start this blog out as something inspiring and encouraging but slowly backsliding into something ominous and somewhat dark. I want to be a lot more positive this 2009. Tackle the world with a ready smile. Must must must!

Resolutions are talked about as the new year approaches but all I could think of right now is that I want to be a better person than I have been and am. I want to be useful. I want to be productive. I want to become more optimistic. Heaps more. I want to be wiser. I want to be kinder. I want to be more honest. I want to be fair. I want to become a more faithful sister, daughter and friend. I want to be brave. Brave enough to try to love again and try new things and discover new roads to take. Brave enough to decide for myself and be responsible for those decisions. I want to have the heart to finish whatever it is that I have started and will start. I want to start over.

Oh, God, You are so good to me.
Oh, life. I want you.

Christmas | Loneliness.

"It's funny how the most wonderful time of the year could make you realize how miserable you are."

You can quote me on that one. I didn't have to google those words to come up with a topic sentence. Maybe somebody else had already said it, or written it. It doesn't matter. It's bad enough some few million other people have felt it. When I was a kid, it never occurred to me that those times were the best times I'll ever have. But I'm glad I had a great time. The gifts, the togetherness, the warmth. I wouldn't say that I'll never feel that way again too. God, I hope not. Everything is different every time. Nothing will feel the same, or be the same as time progresses.

You don't have to agree with me but didn't you notice how sadness sinks in when you think about the more joyous times in your life?

When the whole family's there...
When you and good old friends go around the neighborhood singin' Christmas carols for a few coins...
When you put up socks for Santa and you actually believed he filled it up (and not your parents)...
When you live for candy and not die because of it...
When you actually take time to draw cards for every special person...
When Christmas truly meant something to you.

Christmas still means a lot to me. It even meant more to me than before. As a kid, Christmas to me was more about myself. How the light flickered for me, what presents I get, how sweet that ham would be, the shiny new things I'll be wearing for New Year. As I grew older, it's more about how I want other people to be happy. It's the other way around. It's a good thing isn't it? All grown up. All practical. All busy and responsible.

Sometimes, I look at our tree. It has become smaller. 3 feet high. A decade ago, our tree was taller than me. It took me half a day to furnish it with boxes of trinkets. My older sister was still around. She usually made the sauce for the ham and I missed that so much. We used to fight sometimes. When she got married and left our home, I knew it was normal but it was never made normal in our family. We were always taught that family meant sticking together no matter what. We were taught so much about holding on than letting go. Alongside LOVE, we were taught about GUILT. Together with WORK, we were also taught so much about SAFETY. I do not know if it crippled us as people, but I pretty much know that as sheltered as we were, it made us into loving and understanding human beings. Because of guilt, we loved more than we ought to and because of safety, my brother and I are awfully single than people our age are expected to be.

All grown up now... and here comes Christmas - a surefire way to remind us that we were happy.


Jesus, I wish that You will be happy on Your birthday.