SELF-PORTRAITURE: March 2011

Kidding. Just showing off my photoshop skills. Ha!

Okay, here I am.

At Vinyl On Vinyl, The Collective. Behind me, my favorite painting there.

We have finally arrived at the last week of March (like it's a place). My nephew, Tony, turned seven yesterday and again, all of us here at the homeland missed it. He had a little kiddie party. Every time my sister, nephew, and niece turns a year older, I always wish the entire family could be together but I know the most important thing is, we're all well at the time. I wish everything goes smooth and their plan to come visit next year pushes through. ONE WHOLE MONTH WITH MY LOVES. God! 

Stop the presses! This just in!

I'm going back to school this summer to enroll my internship units. What happened was, I got on the job training last May without enrolling because we (Mimie and I) got the call about a month after the summer enrollment was over. We had to wait a whole year for this and now, here we are. Although I have like 3 more subjects left to take, I'm starting to get my hopes up about graduating this year. 

Fuck. For real. Buckets of tears.

Mine and my parents' tears, that is.

Fuck. I seriously hope this is going to happen. My parents will be happy. Big pats on their backs. It will be awesome for them. As for me, who was never a fan or a big believer of diplomas, I'll be the same. Maybe with a higher chance of getting a job, but I'll be the same.

One of the biggest reasons why I love technology so much!!!

It can do pretty much a lot of stuff. Haha!
I love my sis' little kids. ♥

Where'd my muse go?

Late into the year, I made up this lit blog to be a sort of online folder where I place stuff I've written. It felt like I carried an attache case purposefully open and walked out of my door to a windy street, let all my papers fly out for the whole world to catch or be slapped over the face with or step on. It was somewhat liberating because, unbeknownst to everyone, I am not comfortable with my notes to be made public. Having that blog took a lot of courage and of course, it ignited the fire to write again on a more regular basis so I have to say having that blog was a good move.

Now, I haven't been writing as much as I would like to. It seems I lack the inspiration. My prose factory is blacked out and the machines aren't working. Also, I haven't been drawing anything for over a month now and I'm really itching but I can't bring myself to. Why the fuck am I suddenly being temperamental?

Something is wrong within me, even chemically, I believe. These occurrences make me want to have a shrink figure me out and tell me exactly what furniture in my head I should move and what plant in the window I should throw out so my muse will come back and be willing to live with me again.

Fucking first world problems in a third world country.

Photo of me reading Nell Freudenberger's Lucky Girls totally unrelated to post. 

Deal with it.

Today, my brother bitched to me (again) about getting a job. I WILL, BROTHER!!! And also, I have. You may not believe it but I dragged my ass around town looking for a job and damn jobs I'm willing to take on are pretty good at hide and seek. I'll try again two weeks from now after I shaved and waxed my body spotless and baked my girlfriends their birthday cakes.

As for now, I am baked and going to bed and sleep a dreamless sleep.

SMILE!

There is nowhere else but here.

After almost a year, I'm back. I won't say for good (or for bad. . haha) but I came back because there really is nowhere else but here. For real time events, we all have Twitter and Facebook but I don't know. I am still itching to write sometimes. Tumblr isn't even an option. That site is more like a dump of everything you see and hear and photos and scraps of whatever stuff mostly forgettable anyway. It's too much to handle.

This blog is like an old provincial hometown I left for greener pastures (the latest innovative social networking sites) and somewhere to return to when life is just too much in the big city. I'm back.

A lot has happened the past year. I don't even know where to start. The great thing about writing in here is that I don't feel like there are rules to follow. I don't have to start chronologically right? Just the events that seem pretty major like:

♥ saw my sister and her family back home from Switzerland early this year

♥ finished my last three major subjects with good grades

♥ worked in a restaurant kitchen for 2 1/2 months without pay

♥ went to Manila - saw Dashboard Confessional play and talked to Chris Carrabba for like a few seconds lol and have him sign a cd and my shirt

♥ tasted Dairy Queen for the first time

♥ saw a man I love get married

♥ found someone else to love and he turns out to be married(ish. . seriously taken)

stuff like that. .

Sorry about the last two in the list, I am quite OA when it comes to matters of the heart and I guess having a food blog and keeping myself busy with other things like career (which I don't have as of the moment) and family and music and art and whatever doesn't really change that fact, it just helps in alleviating and/or aggravating the problem. . whatever works. LOL

My last post in here's like September 2009. Fast forward to today.

I had this petty fight with my ma this afternoon because she rearranged furniture in my bedroom and I didn't want her to. But she was right and I was wrong. The bedroom looked better. I just couldn't admit it to her though or she would be high and mighty yak about how right she was. I love her. She cares about the things I care about. My brother told me to throw away my books because he thinks it is the devil. He said it made me jaded and artsy and fucks up my priorities and he said the reason why I don't have a love life and a job is because I am too alternative and passive and hedonistic and selfish. In his words, I don't take life seriously.

He may have a point. But headstrong as I am, I do not take it. Really, this is all I got. These are the only things I know are mine. If he took away the very few things I'm good at, I am better dead.

I just fell silent today. What am I in this house but a bum? He's right in that area.

But you know, I try. I am looking for a job. I am waiting for calls.

And I don't want to work a job that I don't like (call center agent?).

I would rather get minimum wage cooking or busing dishes.

I could not throw away my books. I could not stop listening

to the type of music I love.

I know a lot of people who threw their dreams away for money. I know a lot of people who chose to turn their backs from the things and people they love for something the world told them would be better.

They are miserable.

Call me immature. I am just not that type of person. I tried to be. I felt dead, you know. Really, I would rather die.

Happiness can't be bought.

I just want to be happy.

We all do.