I'm home

since three days ago and I had a great time because I was able to achieve half of my to-do list for the trip which is quite impressive if you knew me.

So, I had the Baconator the morning I got to Manila. It was meh. I didn't like the patties and the buns. I kind of felt robbed by Wendy's. Great job at the advertising, though. All I can say is that I make a meaner burger that would make you want to do suicidal shit like marry me or something. Ha!

We stayed over at Kenji's place in Wack Wack Tower in Tiger City Mandaluyong. (I love saying that! Tiger City!) It was Tobal, Jan Sunday, the entire QCC and I who were in the same flight at 5:55am. We have not slept the night before so we inevitably crashed when we got to the swanky air-conditioned condo unit. (Super thanks, Kenj!)

23rd floor. We were fly.

When we woke up at around noon-ish, Dianne arrived, we got ready, Keida picked us up and brought us to Asia Pacific College, where he teaches Advanced Photography. They were having their college days and we got to hang a bit in there. I loved their cafeteria! There was a band playing inside and we got to meet some of Keida's students, and we got to roam around the halls.

Giant hotdog float with mustard jizz iz funny.

Fast forward to about an hour later, we met Jon Earl AKA Ears With Feet AKA the long time internet friend I  have never met when I've met almost every long time internet friend I've ever had.

I forgot to check if his ears did have feet. Damn.

Sorry, I am super awkward. Unless you crack jokes and ask me questions, I black out and do not know what to say. Meeting someone for the first time is overwhelming especially when that someone is important. But I'm glad we got to silently hang and they brought us to this place called The Collective in Makati. It's supposed to be this counterpart of Cubao X where there are creative shops and stuff. Here are some photos.

Vinyl On Vinyl. It's an art space and a store.

A cozy vegetarian food place. Great Miso soup.

A sweet collection of spectacles in a hip shop called Hysteric.

It was nice. Saw Mango Red shoot a pre-nup in there and I was in awe. They are like the best in the thing they do. I wanted to ask to have my picture taken with them but welp, I pussied out again. Sorry.

It's theeeeeeeem! *gushes*

After the hang, Keida drove us to the Terror show where we reunited with the "CCHC" people haha. IDK why I find this label funny but anyway, Cheryl (my Lavi) arrived and we got to take a photo with Scott Vogel and got my humble KOTF postcard signed by him. That was a happy moment indeed!

It's taped on my bedroom wall now! :)

It was an awesome show even though the place wasn't big enough and the sound system was a bit off, the energy everyone gave off emanated in the room and turned it into a piece of hardcore heaven.

This happened! I was there! Great photo by Mel Lacson Dolorico

Tobal and I stayed 3 more days after the show. There were times he wanted to just stay in and give up on the idea of walking around. I'm glad I convinced him to get up and walk with me to Megamall, ride the MRT, hang at Cubao X with the Lavies, go to MOA and meet Moshi before our flight home and stuff.

Some people wouldn't think it ideal either, braving the heat and the people and all that shit but I love it. Okay, I hated the heat but I loved the concrete jungle. The dirt, the buses, the MRT, the giant billboards, the confusion, the uncertainty, all things opposite of super chill Cebu City.

I may sound like such a weirdo but, Manila, I love you. I'll be back. Somehow.

It's about time!

Well, as you can see, I'm back in blogger. After almost 8 months of nothing in here (but a lot in real life), I'm truly happy to be here again. It had been quite a good year so far and I have a feeling it will work out wonderfully throughout the end of 2009. There were some down times and minor ruckuses but it's so much better than haplessly being stillborn in life right?

Let me put all that this blog has missed in a nutshell:

January : Sinulog + SRA Anniversary + One of my best buds Mirza visited Cebu and I've met the good guys of DFP.
February: Cooked a lot in school and Partied a lot with my best buds, Mimie and Kiko.
March : Was bartender for a day (!!!) and made a rock and fashion show happen. And was in the news for the first time in my life. lol
April : Flew to Manila for this and this and this!
May : It was my birthday of course! :)
June : Back to school... but before that, my favorite getaway. Saw a great band live and met a bunch of awesome people. :)
July : Cried watching the TWINKLE DUDU reunion show.

And now, it's August. So what's new?
I'm pretty much addicted to Twitter and Facebook but I know all things will wane its selves. lol
I am still in school but not as busy as before. This will be my last year (hopefully and supposedly, whichever comes first!) one more term and I'll be ready for summer internship. Hooray. I'm teary-eyed. I never thought I'd be able to get this far to finishing something but I've done it. Almost there.
And yes, I have the most amazing pet cats in the world. I love them.
And I look forward to seeing my sister and her family (especially the kids!) in December. They are going to stay here for almost a month, Christmas to Sinulog 2010 so I foresee a solid vacay mode on for me. She's booked us to stay at a resort in Bantayan Island which is majestic. It's going to be our family's first time there together.

I am stoked.

I'll post more real soon. It's good to be back.

I missed you! ♥

Halloween

I am going to attend a Halloween themed rock show on Friday, October 31st. A few final touches and my costume is ready to be donned. I am not a big fan of Halloween but a lot of friends and bands whom I haven't seen in awhile are going to be there, so I am very much enthusiastic about everything. I am going as this creature:

























This big murky gray guy is a TOTORO. (Click name to know more)
Even if I had not seen the entire film, I fell in love with totoro. He is just too adorable that is why I chose to be him at the party. I wanted to be kung fu panda but I didn't have the resources and time to make a panda costume. I don't like the idea of me going as a scary character. Just the thought gives me goosebumps and I have a terrible thing about scary stuff. Encounters with such things give me dreadful nightmares. I don't mean for it to happen but it just happens! That is also why I never watch horror films. Though I enjoy hearing the plot summaries from my friends who were able to watch it.

When I was much a kid, all we did on Hallow's eve was go to sleep early so we'd rise up the next morning ready to go visit our dead relatives at the local cemetery. Trick or treating is not a big thing here in the Philippines. On Halloween, I think that old t.v. show, Magandang Gabi, Bayan, is a lot more of a ritual for everyone than costume parties. This weekly show that used to air every Saturday would present a Halloween special every year where they feature ghost stories and horrifying urban legends that could make any person's blood curdle. They interview unfortunate people that had allegedly gone through all those creepy experiences, tour inside haunted houses with the cameramen and fortunately capture two or more sightings of something not our kind. We all then go to bed tightly tucking ourselves in, three kids in a single sized bed. A few moments later, we would then decide to crash our parents' bedroom to finally get some sleep.

I know some people who are big fans of scaring themselves to death or testing how much they can stand scary stuff. I am just not one of them. As much as I would like to feed my curiosity for anything horror, I would never trade my peaceful and rejuvenating slumber for sweaty panic attacks every few times a night.

I think costume parties are a bigger hit now than before. In time, trick or treating could become a popular practice in our land. Last week, in my little sister's school, they made the younger children dress up and trick or treat in the older kids' classrooms. As for me, this will be my second time ever to go attend a party in character. The first one was a few years ago, as a Japanese girl in geisha semi-makeup, Japanese slippers and Kimono robe. I remember being drunk as hell from jello shots that time.

This year, I expect to be a drunk-as-hell Totoro.

Kampai!

The single life.

Not to confuse it with the Paris Hilton-Nicole Richie show. I know I am not totally qualified to post the wisdom of an old maid. At least not yet. But what if I've already made up my mind about the path I am going to take in life? I may not be a spinster (not yet) but that is not too far in sight. I am 25, single (as in not dating single) and had lost faith in such things a long time ago. Once, I was talking to a friend and she said the problem with me is that I have such high standards. But I refuse to believe that. I have come across people that I really liked to be with but then there is always something major that gets in the way. And if ever my standards are high, I didn't mean it.

More than once, in times when life was just so lonely, I used to wish I'm a little bit dumber. Dumb enough to not care about standards. Dumb enough to hook up. Hooking up is really easy you know. You just make yourself available and cheap. If not cheap, then free. You go out at night, make yourself up, a cocktail in one hand (it's sexier than beer), slow dance all by yourself in the middle of the club, eyes half closed scanning across the room and you will never be lonely. If it worked for me then it should for any girl. But then it was terrifying and that's how I can tell I'm going the wrong direction.

I was in a club with a friend one night and she said that if ever that Big Brother show comes up with a DESPERATE Edition, we'd totally be in it. Then we drank to that.

I'm not going to be a hypocrite. As much as I am not fond of 'just-because' relationships, I get really lonely and dark. That is why I go out. But I don't put out either so the nightlife is not as wild as people would like to think. It's more of like how people go out and drink to get their mind off work. I go out to get my mind off loneliness.

I told my mother that I don't want marriage. I also don't want to bring children to this world. Don't get me wrong, I am totally fond of children. Not contradicting my screen name but right now, I really think that one positive thing I can do is to be realistic. It is also a selfless act, to not let myself enjoy and be absorbed by fantastical feelings of rearing someone as an extension of who you are or who you would've wanted to be. No matter how you deny that fact, you know there's a bit of truth in it one way or another. There will come a point in your mother/father-child relationship where your kids will decide to be themselves and then you tell them they're wrong because that's not what you had in mind. I will never wish that on a child. Also, some people are just not cut out to become parents.

My mother (who is not a fan of domesticated animals in her home) told me to never say never. I say whatever I say is not a promise, it's only what I momentarily believe in. Who knows I might meet someone who's strong enough to prove me wrong. Otherwise, I see myself in ten years living with a bunch of adorable cats.

Thank you for smoking.

I am not necessarily fond of cigarettes but if you wave one to my face and it happens that we are in the middle of a drinking session I would beg to have that one stick. I remember when I turned edge many years ago, I had to give up drinking. Had to, because of urinary tract infection. People might find it poseur-ish when you choose a lifestyle just because you have to - or you are advised medically to do it. What is overlooked is that you also have the choice to not take that advice. I quit drinking because I was afraid to experience that pain again. That UTI incident was the worst pain of my life. I felt my hips are going to split. It was worse than undergoing a chest tattoo. It was like having a child.

When I am with a crowd, I get offered a lot of booze and smoke. So I tell them I am on medication for them to back off. I thought it was going to sink in to them somehow but the next time we get together, it's the same old thing.

Just have one. Just one. Here's a stick. But I don't feel like smoking without having able to drink. So just have one drink and one smoke.

I couldn't live with it - having to say no every few minutes. Back then, I also couldn't live at home on a weekend. I was the only sober person in the crowd and the crowd couldn't tell what I'm doing there. My feelings of being a killjoy was confirmed when someone walked up to me and said 'you make us feel weird that you're not drinking'. I know, I nodded. People get uncomfortable when they are dealing with something they have no name for. So one night, I told them I am off medication but - I quit drinking and smoking. They ask why. I said, I just chose to quit. Then someone (I forgot who it was) said, you're straight edge. From then on, they call me that and I was known to be the only sXe person in that crowd and I totally enjoyed the privilege of drinking fresh milk or fruit juice in front of them without ever having to go through being offered a drink and smoke every 5 minutes. I saw that since, I am straight edge, they now feel comfortable drinking around me because what I'm doing had a name.

But that was a long time ago.

I am currently an occasional drinker and smoker. The "edge" of my past was just okay to look back to. To reminisce and get the fuzzy feeling of abstinence, that I once was a thirsty person saying no to that dewy glass of drink.

I'm glad I have overcome that bullcrap. LOL.

The end of things.

Kyas moved to the next round last Monday at 11 am. If it was 11 am exactly, I wouldn't know. I wasn't there. Why is it that we think knowledge is power? If I would have known he was going to die that time, that day, I would have gathered my resources to be by his side and this goes out to every person I still consider as a friend.

Why do we love beating deadlines?

We don't accept it, but that's a fact. We are addicted to deadlines. It's funny how it's called deadlines. It's the end of the line. Unless, the boss is kind, he may give an extension. Like how God delays our deaths every moment of every day. Have you ever thought about it? Every breath we take is an extension to a deadline. We are already dead though it's just a matter of time. Unless, of course, someone had discovered immortality potion or fountain of youth or any spell that could make you live forever which I think is kind of dumb. There's no person in his right mind who would like to live forever. If you like that, I hate to say this but you're crazy. You're the type who would play level 1 of games and never proceed to the next level. You're crazy.

We love beating deadlines.
And we almost always end up too late.

A few months ago in summer, my dad's oldest brother died. He wasn't very old just in his early 60's. He lived a full life and that was what really matters, doesn't it? He wasn't a procrastinator I can tell because he's a popular AM Radio personality and being that comes a great deal of responsibilities. I was thinking about how when there are times you don't like to get up in the morning and just take the day off. He can never do that unless he breaks a leg or he dies or something to that extent. It's an awesome job and he loved it. A lot of people loved him and they were there in his funeral. Hundreds of them.

Kyas was funny. He was sweet to me. He must be sweet to everyone. I do not want to wake his corpse up (sorry, Kyas) but I guess it's worth telling the world that there was something between us. Every time we meet, which is just a few times a year, he would do and say something that would turn up my stomach. (sorry, Kyas) If he was like this to all the girls he had met, they should blog about it too. haha. What he said or did, is between me and his departed soul --- but it was special. He made me feel special a few times a year. There was one time I almost fell for it but then he never made it official. He just fed me a lot of chips and a lot of Coke and talked to me about sexual positions between people and sometimes between people and objects (like door knobs). This is what he does, we see each other and hug and he would lead me away from the crowd and we would take a short hike to a store where he'd tell me to "pick what I like". He would tell me I didn't lose weight and he would look real disappointed to find out that I didn't. And he must be real disappointed that he is into a BBW. haha. No, he didn't tell me he liked me but he couldn't keep his hands off me. It was a perfect match because, with the right amount of alcohol, I like to be touched. He made me drink a lot.

Kyas was funny. It wasn't exactly a date he was asking for but from the fact that we're going to be alone together and maybe some door knobs, it's going to become a date. And paranoid as I am, I declined when he offered me private bass guitar lessons. I declined any meeting that would not include anyone else. He was too smart. He was too funny. He was too generous. And I was too afraid to deal with it because I know I couldn't handle him.

But then again, he never tried. He didn't have to. It's just, we're okay that we're friends a few times a year. And touch-y feel-y friends after a round of drinks. (sorry, Kyas)

Monday, around 5pm, I got the text from his friend and band mate, Ivan, that he had gone. I didn't cry. I just couldn't believe it. Until now, two days later, it's still unreal to me. I'm still waiting for my tears to fall if it would ever. I don't know. I think I might, pretty soon. But maybe I just couldn't find any reason to cry. Maybe he made me too damn happy in all those few times a year that we meet, which made it all the more special. I'm really sorry Kyas, if I might not cry about your passing. We were just so damn happy.

There are many things I am going to write about the end of things aside from mortality. There are also the end of beautiful relationships, my weaning from addictive behavior and so on.

In my next posts, love.

My tattoo story.

In my early dealings with being an indie events coordinator, I was exposed to the kind of people who were living the alternative lifestyle. But I wasn't a newbie in the field. Even when I was in my teens, I'd always belonged to the not-so-typical social circle. It seemed to me that they were the more interesting bunch. The musicians, the artists, the writers, the kids that the general public consider to be radical and weird. I loved them and felt a kinship with them.

It was all relative anywhere I look at it. Somebody knew somebody. The world got smaller as I grew older living in the same city since birth.

One night in one of our gigs at Club Vudu, an acquaintance introduced us to this guy, Joel who operates a local tattoo parlor called Drakki. His purpose then was to team up with us in organizing a tattoo competition event that year and we were delighted when he told us that.

One thing about it is that we help them advertise the event in our online network. Also, we had to deal with putting the show in order. Picking out local indie bands and hosting the show. In return, we will be granted one free service of our choice from the shop.

Hearing this, Madz and Mirza who are the ones I work with that time for the event went ballistic. They both knew what they want! As for me, I was happy that we were fed McDonald's every day that we were working at the shop. It's not that I wasn't interested. I just didn't ever think it was the right time to get a tattoo job done on me. First of all, I wanted to think it over a hundred if not a thousand times before I decide since it's going to be on me forever.

After the event (which was successful) Madz got her belly button pierced and Mirza got the old tribal tat on her lower back retouched with some colorful additions.



One day we were hanging out at the shop and there were no customers. The in-house artist, Russell a.k.a Insik teased me how I am the only one who did not claim her paycheck. He chose some designs that I might be interested in and I just laughed it off. He said something like I should not over-think my designs or I will end up old without it. I told him I am more inspired in becoming a tattoo artist when I saw him perform on the customers. He offered to teach me for free. All I have to do is show up at the shop.

A few more talk and I found myself sitting nervously at the recliner. Joel and his wife and Russell's wife were both there to witness my first tattoo job. They told me it won't hurt. But the look in their faces said otherwise. I was determined to find out the truth.

Russell drew a stencil of three small cherry blossoms. The ones I picked out without even thinking twice. I've seen these flowers on tattoos everywhere especially on oriental themes. I knew it is symbolic. I just don't know why, until now. Maybe I'll look it up after this post.

So my left shoulder blade was made bare. I felt a knot tighten in my tummy as he greased it with petroleum jelly. He positioned the tracing paper on it and peeled it off in a jiff.

The machine whirred. I closed my eyes.

The first prick of the needle was surprisingly tingly. It felt the same way when I tweezed my eyebrows the wrong way. It is true that you get used to that pain. But it's not true that you totally get numb as the procedure elapsed. It's more like you go through different levels of pain. But I knew then that I will be back for more. Not because I loved the pain but because I can seriously take it without crying.

It was nothing.

Less than an hour and I got my first intentional scar.



(My three cherry blossoms)

I kept it from my family except for my sisters who were totally thrilled by the idea. At first they were like 'what are you thinking!' but then they thought it was cute.. as in small.

Little did we all know that we were in for a surprise. Yes, that includes me.

More about it later.

Tattoo time.

Just a little something I found in Youtube today.



FUN! I love the thick accent on Javier. LOL

I've been interested in the art of tattoos long ago having been exposed to drawing at an early age. I am amazed at how a person can get to have something on him forever like a scar, just so much better.

When I was a kid I used to draw stuff on myself with ball point pens and colored markers. I also used to take Pilot .4 pens to draw on my hand or arm or leg or wherever I felt like it. When I was in high school, I wanted so bad to get henna-ed but that time, it was expensive (200 pesos = my weekly allowance) so I bought some henna powder and took matters into my own right hand. I am not ambidextrous.

In my head, I considered all possibilities that someday, I will get inked. But I never really thought that I will get the chance soon enough. And I did, twice, so that makes me a really happy girl. I believe what happened between me and the tattoo machine was fate.

More on that later.